Home
Courses
Pricing
About Us
Contact Us
Express Train Talks
Sign in
SOME FUNNY TALES AND SOME NOT-SO-FUNNY TO REMIND US SAFETY COMES FIRST!
Express Train Talks
Write your awesome label here.
Stop Dancing with Danger
Look, folks, I’ve done some filthy jobs in my time, but you know what’s dirtier than a clogged septic tank? Ignorance. And it doesn’t just stink—it hurts. That’s why I’m here to tell you about Express Train—the online safety training site that’s so effective, it practically slaps you across the face with common sense.
Why You Need Safety Training Yesterday
Step 1: Stop Celebrating Not Screwing Up “Oh, look! Nobody died today! Gold stars for everyone!” Really? That’s what you’re proud of? Let’s call it what it is: bare minimum survival instincts. Celebrating no injuries is like throwing a parade because you remembered to wear pants to work. It’s not an accomplishment; it’s the baseline for existing without catastrophic failure.
Not My Job, My A$$
Let me paint you a picture. You’re at work, clocking in for another day, thinking about how much coffee it’s going to take to survive this meeting, this shift, this life. Suddenly, some bigwig strolls in with their PowerPoint of Doom, droning on about “safety culture” like it’s the second coming of sliced bread. “Not my job,” you mutter under your breath, while Carl in accounting nods off mid-sentence. Newsflash!! You’re part of the problem.
The Greatest Safety Lie Ever Told!
Let’s get something straight. Celebrating a "man hours without a lost time injury" sounds great on the surface. Who doesn’t love a reason to break out the cake, gather the team, and pat ourselves on the back? But here’s the thing; more often than not, these celebrations are nothing more than well-polished corporate theater, masking a far darker reality.
Holidaze of Hazards! How to Deck the Halls Without Wrecking Your Balls!
Ah, the holidays. That magical time of year when common sense takes a back seat to good cheer, eggnog flows like a river, and your living room transforms into a festive death trap. As a self-proclaimed purveyor of hard truths and absurd humor, let me guide you through the holiday hazards lurking behind every twinkling light. Because nothing says "Merry Christmas" like avoiding an ER visit.
Stan and the Wedding-Day Paint Job Disaster and the World's Ugliest Truck
Let me tell you the legend of Stan and Dave and the World’s Ugliest Truck. So, it’s a Friday. Not just any Friday—Friday before Dave’s wedding. Dave, being a man of impeccable timing, decides to paint a dump truck mere hours before walking down the aisle. And not just any truck. No, this truck is getting the worst green you can imagine. You know that shade of green that only exists in nature when your baby’s diaper has taken on a life of its own? Yeah. That green.
Stan and the Table Saw of Doom: A Tale of a Missing Finger and Missing Common Sense
It was a regular Saturday in Stan’s garage, which looked like a cross between a hoarder’s paradise and a scene from a bad horror movie. Tools were scattered like he’d been robbed by a particularly indecisive burglar, and the dust on everything suggested the EPA should’ve been notified. And in the center of this disaster? The crown jewel: a table saw. Not just any table saw—this was the one that was about to teach Stan a lesson he’d never forget (or stop being teased about).
Sparks, Dumbasses, and Dead Batteries. A Guide to Not Blowing Yourself Up!
It’s a brisk morning, and you’re already late for work. You hop in your car, turn the key, and… click-click-click. Dead battery. Awesome. Now you’re standing in the driveway, holding jumper cables like you’re defusing a bomb, wondering which clamp goes where while silently praying to the gods of auto repair. Well, friend, I’m here to make sure your dumbass doesn’t turn your car into a barbecue.
Naked and Afraid Isn’t a Business Strategy!
Here’s the thing about machines—they’re not exactly sentient, but they sure know how to ruin your day. A spinning blade doesn’t care about your plans for Saturday. A conveyor belt isn’t going to slow down because you’ve got a vacation coming up.
I Just Stepped Into a Shock-Fest of Epic Proportions!
So there I was, minding my own business, strolling through the shop like I owned the place (because, well, I do). It was a typical day; sparks flying, machines humming, and the smell of progress in the air. Then something caught my eye—a crime scene.
STAN Isn’t Just Some Guy on the Loading Dock
STAN isn't just some guy...
The Fiery Tale of Stan and Super Dave’s Safety Shortcut
Let me tell you about a day at Larry's Locomotive Works, a fine establishment in Toledo, Ohio, where safety is generally only a thought that flickers as dimly as Stan's decision-making skills. Larry's Locomotive Works isn't your run-of-the-mill repair shop; no, it’s a bustling temple of American engineering, where things are built to run on rails and apparently also explode on occasion.
Safety Blindness of 'It Won't Happen to Me'
Stan approaches each day with a mindset that might remind one of a child learning to ride a bike for the first time: confident yet unprepared, blissfully unaware of potential pitfalls. For Stan, personal protective equipment (PPE) is "for show," safety protocols are "mere suggestions," and caution tape is, of course, "a lovely touch of yellow."
GFCIs: The Jobsite’s Unsung Hero... and How They Save You From Lighting Up Like a Christmas Tree
If you don’t have a healthy respect for your GFCI, you might as well wear a t-shirt that says, “I enjoy a good zap.” Because that’s what we’re dealing with here. Electricity, my friends, is not a "choose your own adventure" novel. It's more like, "Do everything right, or suddenly you’re auditioning to play a lightbulb in the next Pixar movie." Spoiler alert: no one wins that audition. What Even Is a GFCI, and Why Should You Care?
Businesses We Support
Chromafaux Specialty Painting
Celebrated Life
Georgia Licensed Trades
Helpful links
Home
Courses
Subscription Plan Pricing
New Hire Bundle
About Us
Contact Us
OSHA
Copyright © 2024
Created with
Login or sign up to start learning
Login to start learning
Start learning
or
What's your e-mail?
Your password?
Login
Create
Account
a new account for free
Forgot your password?
Sign up to Express Train!
or
click to upload avatar
What's your name?
What's your e-mail?
Your password?
Your phone number?
Your address?
Your country?
Your country?
Country
Afghanistan
Åland Islands
Albania
Algeria
American Samoa
Andorra
Angola
Anguilla
Antarctica
Antigua and Barbuda
Argentina
Armenia
Aruba
Australia
Austria
Azerbaijan
Bahamas
Bahrain
Bangladesh
Barbados
Belarus
Belgium
Belize
Benin
Bermuda
Bhutan
Bolivia, Plurinational State of
Bonaire, Sint Eustatius and Saba
Bosnia and Herzegovina
Botswana
Bouvet Island
Brazil
British Indian Ocean Territory
Brunei Darussalam
Bulgaria
Burkina Faso
Burundi
Cambodia
Cameroon
Canada
Cape Verde
Cayman Islands
Central African Republic
Chad
Chile
China
Christmas Island
Cocos (Keeling) Islands
Colombia
Comoros
Congo
Congo, the Democratic Republic of the
Cook Islands
Costa Rica
Côte d'Ivoire
Croatia
Cuba
Curaçao
Cyprus
Czech Republic
Denmark
Djibouti
Dominica
Dominican Republic
Ecuador
Egypt
El Salvador
Equatorial Guinea
Eritrea
Estonia
Ethiopia
Falkland Islands (Malvinas)
Faroe Islands
Fiji
Finland
France
French Guiana
French Polynesia
French Southern Territories
Gabon
Gambia
Georgia
Germany
Ghana
Gibraltar
Greece
Greenland
Grenada
Guadeloupe
Guam
Guatemala
Guernsey
Guinea
Guinea-Bissau
Guyana
Haiti
Heard Island and McDonald Islands
Holy See (Vatican City State)
Honduras
Hong Kong
Hungary
Iceland
India
Indonesia
Iran, Islamic Republic of
Iraq
Ireland
Isle of Man
Israel
Italy
Jamaica
Japan
Jersey
Jordan
Kazakhstan
Kenya
Kiribati
Korea, Democratic People's Republic of
Korea, Republic of
Kuwait
Kyrgyzstan
Lao People's Democratic Republic
Latvia
Lebanon
Lesotho
Liberia
Libya
Liechtenstein
Lithuania
Luxembourg
Macao
Macedonia, the former Yugoslav Republic of
Madagascar
Malawi
Malaysia
Maldives
Mali
Malta
Marshall Islands
Martinique
Mauritania
Mauritius
Mayotte
Mexico
Micronesia, Federated States of
Moldova, Republic of
Monaco
Mongolia
Montenegro
Montserrat
Morocco
Mozambique
Myanmar
Namibia
Nauru
Nepal
Netherlands
New Caledonia
New Zealand
Nicaragua
Niger
Nigeria
Niue
Norfolk Island
Northern Mariana Islands
Norway
Oman
Pakistan
Palau
Palestinian Territory, Occupied
Panama
Papua New Guinea
Paraguay
Peru
Philippines
Pitcairn
Poland
Portugal
Puerto Rico
Qatar
Réunion
Romania
Russian Federation
Rwanda
Saint Barthélemy
Saint Helena, Ascension and Tristan da Cunha
Saint Kitts and Nevis
Saint Lucia
Saint Martin (French part)
Saint Pierre and Miquelon
Saint Vincent and the Grenadines
Samoa
San Marino
Sao Tome and Principe
Saudi Arabia
Senegal
Serbia
Seychelles
Sierra Leone
Singapore
Sint Maarten (Dutch part)
Slovakia
Slovenia
Solomon Islands
Somalia
South Africa
South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands
South Sudan
Spain
Sri Lanka
Sudan
Suriname
Svalbard and Jan Mayen
Swaziland
Sweden
Switzerland
Syrian Arab Republic
Taiwan, Province of China
Tajikistan
Tanzania, United Republic of
Thailand
Timor-Leste
Togo
Tokelau
Tonga
Trinidad and Tobago
Tunisia
Turkey
Turkmenistan
Turks and Caicos Islands
Tuvalu
Uganda
Ukraine
United Arab Emirates
United Kingdom
United States
United States Minor Outlying Islands
Uruguay
Uzbekistan
Vanuatu
Venezuela, Bolivarian Republic of
Viet Nam
Virgin Islands, British
Virgin Islands, U.S.
Wallis and Futuna
Western Sahara
Yemen
Zambia
Zimbabwe
Your birthday?
Your company name?
Your company size?
Company Size
1-10
11-25
26-50
51-100
101-200
201-500
500+
Your Profession?
Profession
Architect
Contractor
Engineer
Facility mgmt
Other
Private
Promoter
Architekt
Auftragnehmer
Ingenieur
Facility mgmt
Andere
Privat
Projektträger
Architect
Aannemer
Ingenieur
Facility Manager
Andere
Privé
Promotor
Architecte
Entrepreneur
Ingénieur
Gestionnaire d'installation
Autre
Particulier
Promoteur
Your website?
Your university?
Your graduation year?
I accept the
Terms & Conditions
I would like to receive news, tips and tricks, and other promotional material
Start your learning journey
Sign in with your account
Forgot your password?
or
Get a brand new password!
What's your e-mail?
OK
Cancel
Enter your brand new password
Enter it below, please
Enter it once more, please
OK
Cancel